Funny things in the news...

[jmayesvaultmom]

Bank Robbery Suspect Forgets Checkbook

EVANSVILLE, Ind. (Aug. 5) - Investigators did not need DNA or even fingerprints to track down a bank robbery suspect - he left his checkbook on the teller's counter.

A man walked into a First Federal Savings Bank branch Tuesday carrying a McDonald's bag and demanded money from a teller, witnesses said.

He walked out of the bank just east of the city's downtown with some cash, but left his checkbook behind. The checks were printed with Larry Heady's name and his Maceo, Ky., address, police said.

Police officers on Wednesday arrested Heady, 63, at his home in the town about 30 miles southeast of Evansville.

"Usually with suspects there's a general rule that you don't leave identification behind," police Sgt. Brett Fitzsimmons said.

Heady was also a suspect in two bank robberies in Henderson, Ky., and another in Hopkinsville, Ky., police said.

Heady was being held Thursday in the Daviess County, Ky., Jail.


08/05/04 18:19 EDT

[blazerunner121]

Man cuts off ***** in sex protest

Sat Aug 7, 7:14 PM ET

RABAT (Reuters) - A 70-year-old Moroccan cut off his ***** in protest at his wife's long refusal to have sex with him, hospital sources say.

The unidentified man severed his organ on Monday in the southern town of Ait Ourir and was taken to a hospital in the nearby city of Marrakesh for treatment.

"He didn't bring his ***** with him. He has left the hospital well, but without his *****," a doctor from the Ibn Toufail hospital told Reuters on Saturday.


gross ...

[blazerunner121]

where do you find all these random news articles?

try: http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=index&cid=757

[jmayesvaultmom]

Real Endurance

Go for the gold, couch potatoes.

Kevin Keveaney of Knoxville, Tenn., hopes to reclaim his former world record for endurance television viewing this weekend. He'll join 21 rivals in an Olympic viewing marathon orchestrated by NBC television at Universal Orlando Resort in Florida.

It starts with Friday night's opening ceremony. Keveaney promised he'd be ready.

"I will be retreating to the desert for a two-week vision quest, communing with the petroglyphs -- man's first TV -- and draining my mind of summer reruns so I might approach this contest with spirit refreshed and eyes anew," he told NBC.

If the attempt is successful, the lucky viewer will claim the record just past 10PM ET on Sunday. Should any of those bleary-eyed competitors choose to keep going, it won't be a problem with NBC's unprecedented saturation coverage.

The current record for consecutive hours watching TV, as recognized by the Guinness Book of World Records, was set recently in Germany at 50 hours and 5 minutes. Keveaney's former record of 46 hours, 30 minutes and 50 seconds, remains the best by an American.

He set the mark in 2001 in New York City.

[jmayesvaultmom]

Drunk Driver Asks Police to Arrest Him

VERNON, Vt. (Aug. 9) - It's not too often that the police get pulled over by a drunk driver. But that's what happened recently to Police Chief Ian McCollin.

McCollin was heading south on Route 142 when he noticed a driver at the Broad Brook Road stop sign, slowly edging forward into the intersection. As he passed the car, McCollin saw a confused look on the motorist's face.

"I figured it might be somebody looking for help, possibly lost or something," he said.

When McCollin pulled his cruiser to the shoulder, the man pulled alongside, rolled down his passenger-side window and made an astonishing proclamation: He was looking for a police officer to arrest him because he was drunk.

McCollin reported the stop to a dispatcher and called for backup due to the suspicious nature of the man's claim.

"Under the circumstances of the stop and the unusual nature of what he said, I was just a little nervous about it," he said. "It just wasn't natural."

The man handed over a non-driver's I.D., identifying himself as Bryan S. Condo, 28, of North Pownal, then reported that his license had been criminally suspended and he also had a previous arrest for driving while intoxicated.

During a preliminary breath test, Condo registered more than four times the 0.08 legal limit, McCollin said.

McCollin said Condo didn't exhibit any of the classic, combative signs he's observed in most other DUI arrests.

"He was a gentleman, very polite and very cooperative," he said. "I think he was looking for or needs help."

Condo was brought to the Brattleboro Police Department, where he was cited for second-offense DUI and driving while his license was suspended.

McCollin later dropped a slightly more sober Condo off in Vernon.

"It's the first time I've been pulled over and the first time I've been pulled over by a drunk driver," he said. "It's hard to believe, but I guess this is one for the books."

[jmayesvaultmom]

Burglar With the Munchies Arrested in Seattle

SEATTLE (Aug. 12) - A hungry burglar more interested in food than glittering jewelry broke into nearly a dozen Seattle homes in the last week to gobble down vast quantities of food before being arrested, police said on Wednesday.

In one instance the ravenous burglar consumed six shrimp kebabs, a dozen mini corndogs, half a large package of lunch meat, a box of Creamsicles, a dozen clumps of frozen cookie dough, several handfuls of M&Ms, two fruit drinks and a glass of milk, according to Julie Sanchez, one of the burglary victims interviewed on local television.

The man, in his late 20s, was not identified by the police since he has not yet been charged with a crime. He was arrested after being caught rifling through a purse at a church in the northern part of Seattle, and his descriptions and belongings matched evidence from the burglaries.

"It's unusual to the extent that food appeared to his main motive," said Seattle police spokeswoman Christina Bartlett.

In some cases, the burglar grabbed readily available cash from the homes he invaded, but usually left other items, such as Sanchez's three-diamond ring and earrings, untouched on the kitchen table.

In another break-in, the burglar thawed frozen steaks, fried them, and ate them while watching television until being found by the returning homeowners and chased away, according to police.

[jmayesvaultmom]

Fever, Lack of Sleep Plague Woman on Scorpion Quest
The Goal: More Than 36 days in a Room With 6,000 Arachnids
By SEAN YOONG, AP



Reuters
Nur Malena Hassan is known in Malaysia as the "Scorpion Queen."

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia (Aug. 25) - A Malaysian woman who's trying to reclaim a world record by living in a locked glass box with more than 6,000 scorpions has been stung once, is suffering a fever and scarcely sleeps because the creatures keep crawling over her.

Nur Malena Hassan, 27, said Wednesday she has a "50/50 chance" of reaching her target of being cooped up with the poisonous arachnids for 36 consecutive days to set a new record for the longest stay in a room full of scorpions.

"I'm feeling so much tension," Nur Malena told The Associated Press by telephone from the specially built glass room that she moved into Saturday in a shopping mall in Kuantan, a city about 160 miles northeast of Kuala Lumpur.

"Nighttime is the worst," she said. "I can only sleep two or three hours, since scorpions get so active at night. But I want to show that Malaysians are capable of world-class efforts."

Nur Malena said she has a mild fever after being stung on her face Sunday. But scorpions rarely sting unless they're disturbed, so she remains cautious while moving within the room, which measures about 12 feet by 10 feet.

Nur Malena, who's been nicknamed "Scorpion Queen" in this Southeast Asian country, set a world record in 2001 by living for 30 days with 2,700 scorpions. She was stung seven times, fell unconscious and nearly gave up the potentially deadly feat.

Her record was shattered a year later by Kanchana Ketkeaw, a woman in neighboring Thailand who lived in a similar glass room for 32 days with 3,400 scorpions.

"Having 6,000 scorpions is different from 3,000," Nur Malena said. "It's just worse."

Nur Malena has built up an endurance to stings after more than five years of training. But she says she'll still pass out if she's stung three times within a short span.

Thousands of Malaysians have visited the mall to observe Nur Malena in the room, which she leaves just once a day for a 15-minute bathroom break under self-imposed rules. She sleeps, eats and performs Muslim prayers in the room.

Boredom sometimes sets in, but Nur Malena keeps entertained by watching DVDs on a TV set. Her favorite movie right now: "Spider-Man."

Malaysians have displayed a growing penchant in recent years for offbeat records - such as the highest backward climb up a staircase and the largest number of old people at a circus.

[jmayesvaultmom]

Bear Drinks 36 Cans of Beer in Campground Raid
Shows Definite Brand Preference

BAKER LAKE, Wash. (Aug. 17) - Rain-eeeeer .... Bear? When state Fish and Wildlife agents recently found a black bear passed out on the lawn of Baker Lake Resort, there were some clues scattered nearby - dozens of empty cans of Rainier Beer.

The bear apparently got into campers' coolers and used his claws and teeth to puncture the cans. And not just any cans.

"He drank the Rainier and wouldn't drink the Busch beer," said Lisa Broxson, bookkeeper at the campground and cabins resort east of Mount Baker.

Fish and Wildlife enforcement Sgt. Bill Heinck said the bear did try one can of Busch, but ignored the rest.

"He didn't like that (Busch) and consumed, as near as we can tell, about 36 cans of Rainier."

A wildlife agent tried to chase the bear from the campground but the animal just climbed a tree to sleep it off for another four hours. Agents finally herded the bear away, but it returned the next morning.

Agents then used a large, humane trap to capture it for relocation, baiting the trap with the usual: doughnuts, honey and, in this case, two open cans of Rainier. That did the trick.

"This is a new one on me," Heinck said. "I've known them to get into cans, but nothing like this. And it definitely had a preference."

[vaultmd]

Does anyone know if they are tracking the condom count in the Olympic Village?

[jmayesvaultmom]

They are checking with housekeeping as we speak...

[jmayesvaultmom]

Student Charged for Clogging Toilet

PORT OF SWEET GRASS, Mont. (Aug. 25) - Jesse Huffman insists he didn't do it on purpose, but the toilet he left plugged after "nature called" at this border crossing in north-central Montana has him facing criminal charges.

Toole County authorities charged the 19-year-old college student from Great Falls with criminal mischief after a border agent accused him of intentionally clogging the toilet.

Huffman said the clogged piping was completely unintentional, the result of an urgent, but natural bodily function.

"I've never been arrested before or anything like that, and I get arrested for taking a dump," said Huffman, a student at Montana State University in Bozeman.

Huffman was returning to Montana from a trip to Lethbridge, Alberta with four friends Saturday. Port authorities stopped their car for what was apparently a random search. The car's 19-year-old driver was cited for illegally possessing alcohol.

Huffman said he asked to use the bathroom while waiting for the driver.

A short time later, a port inspector discovered the toilet was clogged and threatened charges, Huffman said.

Cory Grayson, one of Huffman's friends, said he couldn't believe it when border agents first threatened charges.

"I didn't think they were serious at first, I was just laughing so hard," he said.

Port Director Larry Overcast said he could not comment on the case.

Huffman said he has hired an attorney and intends to fight the charge.

[jmayesvaultmom]

If you want to see the picture... http://aolsvc.news.aol.com/news/article ... 02&cid=936

Man Stabs Gator to Protect Dog

GAINESVILLE, Fla. (Aug. 27) - A man jumped in a pond and stabbed a 6-foot alligator with a pocketknife to force the reptile to release his dog from its jaws.

Matt Goff shows the teeth marks on his dog, "Sugar," left by a 6-foot alligator that attacked near a pond in Gainesville, Florida.

Matthew Goff, 29, said he was walking Sugar, a tan-colored bloodhound/Shar-Pei mix, in a park when the attack occurred Wednesday evening. The unleashed dog wandered to the edge of the pond and the gator grabbed its head.

"I couldn't stand by and watch it happen and I had the pocketknife so I decided to try and save her," Goff said.

The gator released Sugar when Goff stabbed the reptile in the eye. The dog then ran home, escaping with three teeth marks on and about her head. Goff had a few scratches.

A state trapper planned to kill the gator if it's found.