You Might be a Redneck Pole Vaulter

[Tim McMichael]

If you have ever had to mow your runway.

If you have ever been bitten by a badger while trying to clean out your pole case.

If your new pit has skid marks on the side because you didn't have time to clean out the horse trailer.

If your pit was blown over in a storm and five chickens smothered to death.

If your grandfather uses pole tips instead of tennis balls on the legs of his walker.

If your idea of a perfect west Texas tailwind means five people have to hold the pit down.

If you have ever tried to pole vault over over a cow.

If that is how you first got into bull riding.

If your coach refers to sinking and slowing over the last steps of your run as "stepping on cow turds."

If you tried to cross the street to get into Madison Square Garden and ended up in Harlem.

If you are the one who first came up with the idea of calling Wladyslaw Kozakiewicz "Wally."

If your idea of Sodom and Gomorrah is a train station in Amsterdam.

If you once sang "Living on Tulsa Time" at a Karaoke bar in Taiwan.

[Tim McMichael]

If you have ever had to cut an indoor practice short because of the fumes from the kerosene heaters.

[vault3rb0y]

If you move an ENTIRE roll out runway, risers, mats, standards, and all other street vault equipment using 2 pick up trucks and 1 trailer.... to a city most people havent heard of.

If your coach asked his kids if they were excited before nationals and they replied "heck yea, im fixin'a catch some big fish with that new rod i just bought at bass pro shop across the street after this meet."

[vault3rb0y]

If a coaches vaulters do gainers on an indoor 3-foot-deep pool the day before a meet, and the coach tries one too.

[vault3rb0y]

more than six members of one family are currently vaulting for the same club at the same time, and more than half of the kids you take to nationals are related.

You float a river down the street of your vault training session after practice and ride in a pick up truck back home.

You lose service on your cell phone 15 minutes before you get to practice.

The gas station across the street from your training facility still has "1.19 and 9/10" on the gas price.

[txpolevaulter_k25]

If a coaches vaulters do gainers on an indoor 3-foot-deep pool the day before a meet, and the coach tries one too.

not a good idea, broke my front tooth like that, i didnt rotate all the way around and landed right on my face, and that was a 4 foot deep pool

[achtungpv]

not a good idea, broke my front tooth like that, i didnt rotate all the way around and landed right on my face, and that was a 4 foot deep pool

Wow. I was originally going to add, "If your missing a front tooth from either a vaulting or bullriding accident." that may have hit too close to home for ya!

[txpolevaulter_k25]

not a good idea, broke my front tooth like that, i didnt rotate all the way around and landed right on my face, and that was a 4 foot deep pool

Wow. I was originally going to add, "If your missing a front tooth from either a vaulting or bullriding accident." that may have hit too close to home for ya!

yeah it sucked, the bad thing was i had half a tooth for like 3 days, and had to go to school like that because my mom said she wasn't going to take me to the dentist to teach me a lesson.

[Tim McMichael]

There was a vaulter in Oklahoma who lost all his front teeth and had to decide if he wanted implants or dentures. This is what he said to me: "If I'm in a fight and get implants knocked out, the pain might make me quit. But if I get dentures and really need to bite somebody, I might not be able to do it." These were his actual concerns.

A lot of my redneck jokes come from observations of this guy's real life.

[Barto]

If your training diet has included roadkill.

If you've ever been kicked out of your indoor facility by a poultry show.

If you know how to get to Tryon, OK without a map.

If you've ever ridden your horse to practice.

If you've ever sold livestock to buy poles.

If you had to choose between your district meet, spring fair, or the prom and you chose the spring fair.

(I can verify all of the above first hand)

[powerplant42]

If you build a high bar between two beams in a barn.

[ifavault]

If you and your family all travel to track meets in swamp buggies. (With poles attached of course).